Motherhood is…Fearing the Worst.
Case in point: the other day I was watching tv and Grady was playing solo in another room. I thought he was in my bedroom when I heard a loud thud followed by a loud scream and then silence. I ran into my room and Grady wasn’t there. The house was still quiet and my heart hit my throat as I immediately thought, “oh my God he’s unconscious!” I began pleading, “Grady!” and running from room to room in pure panic. I finally found him in Joshua’s room on the floor. He had fallen off the bed and was fine.
My adrenaline was surging. Immediately my mind went to the worst. That I’d be calling 911 to save my son. I can’t count how many times my mother mind has done this to me. My biggest fear is that something terrible could happen to my babies. So sometimes my mind fears the worst when it’s only something little.
If pictures could talk, this one would tell you that Joshua is really quiet after school. It would tell you that he doesn’t have a lot to say for about 30 minutes. He kinda releases from his day with some iPad time or today it was Legos. On the rides home Joshua looks out the window and keeps to himself unwinding from a full day of working so hard to make the right choices and follow all the rules. This picture would tell you that Joshua keeps a happy face on at school and uses his manners and raises his hand to answer all the teachers questions and after school he just needs some time to not talk about school or about anything really. And sometimes he just needs a hug from his mama who won’t ask him about the tears in his eyes because she knows school is exhausting. Oh she knows.
If pictures could talk, this one would tell you how proud she is of Joshua.
Years ago when my babies were babies I started writing posts about the little things. We know all the quotes and sayings about how it’s the little things in life that matter the most. To me it’s that these little stages, phases and cute little quirks with my boys are so temporary (they grow too fast!) that I’m very likely to forget them. I wanted to start documenting them so years from now I can read about all the cute, sweet, weird things my boys have said and done.
Grady LOVES music. He loves it and has ever since he was a baby. When he was tiny he always bobbed his head along to the music on the radio while riding in the car. These days he not only bobs along, he sings along. When we are driving in the car and a country song comes on that he likes he will start singing along and it’s crazy how many words he knows. He sings with the quietest, sweetest little voice I’ve ever heard. It’s one of my favorites and a great reason to hop in the car and take a drive with Grady. I could listen to that cute voice sing along to the radio all day long. ❤️
The dreaded threenager is coming. Grady will be three years old in a few weeks and whoever said the “terrible twos” never met a three. Three’s demand control over their little life. They will fuss and shout when you don’t offer your help and then yell at you for trying to help them. Everything is I CAN DO IT but only when they feel like it. A threenager wants life on their terms and tests every boundary given. Sounds like a teenager doesn’t it? (I have to remind myself that while this age is hard it’s all small problems compared to the hard stuff teenagers go through!)
Grady has a secret weapon though and he doesn’t fight fair…his eyes.
Whenever Grady pushes his limit and I get stern with him, or even show some frustration with him, he turns his sweet little voice on and says, “I’m a good boy mommy??” Then he looks at me with those eyes…damn it. He wins.
And he has the cutest personality! Grady knows how to divert my cranky mood with sillyness.
Grady randomly hugs me. “I love you mommy.” Kid fights dirty.
Yes, 3 is coming on October 3rd. I am excited for all that is to come for Gray…a big boy bed, preschool, keeping up with his brother. All while learning how to be respectful when things don’t go our way and being kind. 😉
Our first born started kindergarten this year. And I am SO blessed because he’s attending kindergarten at my favorite school with my favorite teacher and is right next door to me! So we got to experience his first day of real school together.
Joshua LOVES kindergarten! Loves it. He adores his teacher, Mrs. Lathrop, and is a happy, confident little student. He is making lots of friends and I know he’s going to learn so much this year. I am so excited to watch him grow this year and am cherishing all 180 days of this special time in our life.
Kindergarten is full day at our school and I thought he would come home just completely wiped but he’s a trooper! By Friday night we have a few meltdowns as he’s worn out from a long week.
His favorite part of his day is rest time. Mrs. Lathrop reads aloud from a chapter book as the kids lay on a towel on the floor and they just love it! I totally thought this would be Joshua’s most dreaded part of the day. He’s constantly surprising me.
He’s told me he has a friend named Clay but the kid is a ladies man and mostly talks about the girls. He loves Lindy, Myla, Marlee and Andi. Little stud.
Today is day 16/180. The year is already passing too quickly!!
The boys are entering their first coloring contest! Cool but worth a blog post you’re wondering?
Joshua wouldn’t even think about coloring until just very recently. He hated it. Didn’t have the attention span for it and I worried about what school would be like for him because of it. But a few weekends ago I printed some Super Mario Bros coloring sheets off the internet and he colored for hours!
Nathan was really into coloring as a kid and remembers entering contests so he picked up some coloring pages from Sportsman’s Warehouse for Joshua and Grady. Joshua got really into it and took his time adding detail and coloring in the lines. Grady spent a little time on it but he’s 2 and has a lot to do!
Fills our hearts to see him work so hard on something other than running around screaming. Ha! Wait, I’m serious.
Fingers crossed we have some winners! They are both winners in my book!
You never see the hard days on the highlight reel (social media platforms.) Yesterday on Facebook you might have seen a picture of Grady looking cute with Sage or me laughing at Grady’s meltdown on Snapchat like it’s all fun and games.
But let’s be real for a minute and let me tell you about everything that happened behind the scenes yesterday. I was exhausted. Not physically. Emotionally. Exhausted of my children never being content. Exhausted from the constant rebuttals. I give and give to my kids daily and sometimes it’s never good enough.
“I didn’t want my sandwich cut in half!”
“Mooom I said JUST peanut butter!”
“No not those shoes!”
“I WANTED TO DO IT!”
For once I just wanted to get through our day with…
Just one day of being content and no push backs. I didn’t have any patience left with my kids and I used harsh tones behind my words. I did my chores and didn’t play with my kids. I didn’t sit or cuddle with my kids. Because truth be told I didn’t want to be in the same room as my kids. Sometimes those little humans are not nice.
That’s real life. That’s motherhood whether other moms are posting the truth or not. It’s not always perfect.
The good news is that day is behind us. I tucked my kids into bed, sang to them, kissed their faces and told them how much I love them. Because I love them fiercely. I got the much needed sleep my body craved and today I will do it better. I will be more patient. I will love more unconditionally. ❤️