“And a part of you will always be a boy”
Joshua is silly. So silly. Joshua is loud. So loud. He makes obnoxiously loud noises just to hear himself. It’s like he has all this pent up energy inside of him and he has to release it with loud noises. I can’t tell you how many times a day Nathan and I say, “Joshua stop yelling!”
Joshua is timid. He’s not the need for the speed, no fear boy. He’s the want to try but a little unsure if it will be safe boy. He doesn’t like getting hurt. Joshua will put his helmet on every time he gets on his bike without reminders from Mom. At 5 years old he’s still learning how to ride his bike because he’s taking it nice and slow. He doesn’t want the bike to get going too fast and is unsure of the pedals. It takes Joshua some time to work up the courage to try something new for the first time. And you know what? All of this is fine by me! I don’t have to worry about Joshua getting hurt all of the time because he’s careful. Yes, that’s fine by me.
“Boy, you’re gonna know it all.”
I keep saying that when Joshua is older we’re going to love this trait in him, but right now at this stage it can be so frustrating. Joshua has to figure out everything on his own and can’t be told how to do something. He has to do things his way and already thinks he knows how to do everything. If I try to give him tips while fishing I get the, “I know mom!” If I try to show him how to hold his pencil or spell a word he says, “Mom I know!” And sometimes, okay most times, he just has to learn lessons the hard way. By trying and failing all on his own. Like I said, when he’s older we’ll appreciate his need to figure things out on his own.
“Grow up way too fast.”
Joshua begins real school this fall. Yes, he’s starting kindergarten. This is hard for me. My first class of kindergartners will be 5th graders next year! Just like that, in a blink of an eye. I know how quickly these school years are going to fly by because well, that’s my life. I witness it every year. My first class of 2nd graders are in the high school next year. This reality makes me dread Joshua starting kindergarten. If I thought he grew up quickly the first 5 years, I know I haven’t seen anything yet. Time passes too quickly. The days are too short, the stages are blurred. I want to hold onto his sweet voice as long as I can.
Joshua cherishes his “treasures.” He doesn’t need a bunch of toys. He really only needs one. And he will carry that thing around for days. Even sleep with it. And it’s funny what Joshua decides is worthy of such attention. He loves small figures. Like the toys you find in the check stand aisles at the grocery store or quarter machines. The smallest toys make him the most happy. When we were camping he found a car windshield wiper and thought it was the neatest thing. He packed it all over. “Mom take a picture of me with this wiper!”
Joshua is so smart. He has a photographic memory. When we are driving he knows exactly where we are going because he recognizes the road we are on, even if we haven’t been there for almost a year. He picks up on things quickly and often whips out information that leaves Nathan and I thinking, “how does he know that?” He loves to tell me things like, “Mom did you know the sun is a star? Stars are made of gas.” And he asks lots of questions about things. “Mom what are clouds made of?”
Joshua is a sour patch kid. First he’s sweet and then he’s sour. When he’s sweet, he is so sweet. He loves to cuddle and will tell me things like: “Mommy you are so pretty.” “Mommy I love you so much.” “You are the best mommy in the world.”
When he’s sweet he watches out for his little brother. He is so protective of Grady and wants to make sure he’s doing the right thing. Not to be bossy, but to teach him. Joshua will cuddle with little brother on the couch and wash his hair for him in the bath.
“You weren’t built for backing down.”
Oh but when he’s challenged! Challenge Joshua and the fighter comes out. He is so stubborn and will fight to the end. Joshua challenges us more than we thought possible. We have yet to figure out a discipline model that works for him. Spanking makes him more angry and yell louder. Time-outs make him slam his door. And he always has to have the last word.
“And a part of you will always be my boy” –“Boy” by Lee Brice
Joshua made me a mom. He changed my life in all the ways kids do and then some. He teaches me about myself all the time and pushes me to do better, to be better. He’s my boy.