Flash Back Friday…
Remember when the Valley was green and it was in the 50’s?! Remember when Nathan and I got some husband and wife time so went bass fishing on the Skeeter and just had the best day ever catching smallmouth? Well I remember and I’m dreaming of the day we get to go again and all the white stuff is gone!
One of the most beautiful quotes I ever read when I was pregnant with Joshua went something like this:
Parenthood completely shatters the life you knew into a million pieces and puts it back together into something intricately more beautiful.
I didn’t even fully grasp that statement when I was pregnant with Joshua. Now 2 boys later and in the full swing of motherhood, I get it.
The life I had before I was a mom doesn’t exist anymore. It’s almost elusive. When I look back at pictures of myself before I had children I hardly recognize the person I see and the memories are hazy. And I don’t mean this with any negativity because my new life is SO good!
I know the purest form of unconditonal love. My life has purpose. My life has meaning. Sure before becoming a mom I could shower for as long as I wanted and poop with privacy but a tiny voice didn’t have the power to make my worries seem insignificant. My heart didn’t swell with pride by hearing the ABC’s and life was overly simplistic.
I don’t recognize the life I had before because it was shattered by 2 beautiful, smart, loving little boys that make my life better in every way.
Yes, it’s not all beautiful. Sometimes motherhood is so dang frustrating! Sometimes I just want some time to myself. I’m not even asking for a lot people. I just want to go down into my basement for 40 minutes and workout. All by myself. Daddy is upstairs with the boys. Joshua and Grady should be able to play together or watch TV for half an hour and go to their dad if they want something. They SHOULD be able to do this. Instead they won’t stop coming down into the basement and getting in my way or fighting or getting into something they aren’t supposed to. So I have to pause my workout constantly to break up fights or try to get them involved in something other than me. Finally I just push “stop” and give up because it’s much too frustrating trying to get my workout in.
When Grady finally naps we get some quiet time in the house. I just want to sit down and meal plan, or blog or fold some laundry. Joshua SHOULD be able to entertain himself for a little bit, right? This is Joshua’s time to play with toys that have tiny pieces or build something and not have to worry about his little brother knocking it down. Joshua can play and not have to share anything! But that doesn’t happen. Joshua will not play by himself. Instead he just follows me around the house. He crawls all over me and won’t leave me alone. And I gotta tell ya, it’s frustrating sometimes. I do A LOT for my kids and sometimes just need them to entertain themselves for 30 freaking minutes. A mama needs some time to herself!