52:3

Annnd I’m already falling behind.  My Project 52 posts are supposed to come on Wednesdays and here it is Friday.  Oh well, life’s busy. 

52:3 Motherhood is…Unconditional Love

This is the most obvious one so might as well get it done up front.  You hear it all of the time…you don’t know real love until you become a parent.  And you think to yourself, “I can only imagine.”  That is so true…you can only imagine, but until you become a mother (or a father) you really have no idea what it feels like to love someone so…so…unconditionally.  When a baby is born, so is a mother and once you are reborn as a mother your life has new purpose.  Life before baby suddenly becomes unfocused, a blurry fog because none of that matters anymore.  Your new love takes over.

I didn’t fall in love with Joshua instantly, it wasn’t a golden light shinning down on us while the Heavens sang the first time I held him and looked into those big eyes.  Looking back I will always remember the look of wonder on that beautiful face of his and how incredibly precious he was.  Nathan’s tears were falling on my cheeks and Joshua kept looking back and forth between the two of us…I will never forget it.  But truth is, in that moment, I was exhausted and all I could think about was how happy I was 77 hours of all natural labor was over.  I was overwhelmed with…relief. 

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The love hit later.  After we got home.  He was just SO beautiful.

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And when this pretty baby had colic and cried for hours on end in the evening leaving his daddy eating alone at the dinner table while mommy rocked him in a quiet, dark room I still loved him.  Unconditionally.

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And when he would only sleep for 20 minutes at a time before waking up screaming wanting rocked back to sleep giving his mama no relief I still loved him.  Unconditionally.

And then he hit around 6 months and I fell even more in love with him.  Joshua was so stinkin’ sweet at this age.  He giggled and smiled and was just precious and I was in awe of everything he did.  Even when he would get really frustrated because he couldn’t crawl and get to where he wanted to go so he would full all. the. time.  I still loved him.  Unconditionally.

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And then Joshua started to walk and his total boy personality came out and I fell more in love with him.  His first words started to come and I fell more in love with him.  Even when he had meltdown after meltdown because he wouldn’t nap during the day resulting in pure exhaustion by evening and would totally ruin our dinner time I still loved him.  Unconditionally.

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At almost 2 years old I love Joshua more now than I did 22 months ago.  Everyday I fall deeper in love with my son.  It’s a love that is strong, honest, and pure.  It is a love of constant forgiveness.  No matter how many times he kicks me, screams at me, or slaps me I always forgive him the instant he looks at me with those big eyes that say, “I’m sorry Mama.”  On days that he completely tests my patience and my limits, the guilt of loosing control reminds me how much I love him.  When I walk in the door after work he greets me with an enthusiastic, “Hi Mommy!” and my heart expands with more love.  And at night when I put him to bed and he tries really hard to get the words right with, “I love you Mommy.”  I completely melt.

It is a love with no conditions.

It is a love in it’s purest form.

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Loving this little boy is my greatest gift in life.